Checking In

Howdy y’all 😀

Checking in. Thankfully I have been “gone” but not “down”. It’s been a busy few weeks of memories in the making.

Out of town visitor. Sight seeing. An extremely meaningful birthday marker and celebration. A destination wedding. Meaningful markers and symbols. Guiltless steps forward. Twirling the dance floor with my love. Laughter. Clarity of mind. Awe inspiring views…

March is here. We finally have sunshine and blooms all around. Birdies are singing beautiful melodies.

Writing has been abated, but not forgotten. Routine and discipline are needed, BUT not at the cost of time spent with my family. Changes, changes…always learning to prioritize. The journey continues…

A Step Forward

The thought. The decision. The plan. Support in place. The day had come, unannounced and without fanfare. No spiral. No fight. I guess, somehow, she knew it was time. Resolute and steady.

The walk, eternally long, even thought it was only a few steps away. Legs soft as wet noodles, yet heavy as lead. Standing before a sacred place, surrounded by love and support. In an instant her mind flooded with memories – laughs. giggles. good nights. good mornings. hugs. smiles. love —– screams. tears. pain. sorrow. grief…GOODBYE!

Prayer – Deep breath – Prayer – Deep breath

I CAN’T! Yes, it’s time. This doesn’t keep her alive. She is not here. You are not forgetting her. BUT…I can’t! Yes, it’s time. BUT…“, the tumultuous thoughts flooded her mind. Surrender. Acceptance. Shoulders down. Clenched hands released. Slow and Steady, the process began.

The soft blue blanket, that she loved to curl with. The teddy bear she tenderly clung to. The shirt that draped her little torso. The pillow, where her little head laid; where tears and sweat drenched it’s every inch. Piece by piece…tearing at my heart. WAIT?!?! How does something that has been obliterated into pieces, break even more? Oh, the mystery of LOVE.

And, so, the bed that held her frail, little body; where she was ushered from this life to the next, was stripped of its garments…two months short of the anniversary of the second year of her departure…Another marker…Another step. Propelled and held by love and acceptance. Oh, the mystery of LOVE.

~ winter has passed ~

⇒♦♦for now♦♦⇐

If…

If the coldness & deadness of winter was all there was,

then I’d be stuck in The Path

If the pain & discomfort of childbearing was it’s end,

then I’d miss the joy of a New Life

If the worm infested grave was The End,

then I’d have no purpose for Living

🖤HOPE – beyond the here and now🖤

✝️HOPE – beyond the grave✝️

 

Flooded at the Sink

Standing over the kitchen sink, dinner in the making. Waves and waves of thoughts flowing through her mind…does that reel ever stop? The memory of her little girl bouncing in, always wanting to help Momma. “What-chu making?”, was the question of the hour. Mom would answer, “Pos, food.” Giggles and rolling of the eyes would follow. Suddenly these precious memories are dampened by the memories of her own childhood.

For The RunawayJunior High doesn’t bring cherished memories, however, Home-ec class yielded some good results. Learning to make spaghetti sauce and cinnamon rolls was a tasty experience. Recipes that are still in practice today.

Ah, yes, the day she learned to make spaghetti sauce was a memorable one. She came home so excited, ready to share this amazing accomplishment (at least she thought so) with her mother. Let’s just say there were no pats-on-the-back or words of affirmation.

Somewhere along the way, mother, begrudgingly decided to let her make this “foreign cuisine”. Oh, how excited The Runaway was! She knew they would like it. Mother bought her all the necessary ingredients and off she went into full mode cooking gear. Mother’s frown and side looks could not dissuade her. However, even though Mother agreed to her cooking this meal, mother still made the regular dinner, cause “who would eat that porquería”.

Let’s just say Dad liked it, a lot. No, he wasn’t like A Father building his daughter up. But, after careful inspection, he scarfed-it down. And, as time went, he would ask Mother to buy the necessary ingredients for his daughter to make this foreign dish.

And so went the wave of memories. Always a mixture of emotions.

Dinner is finished…let’s go eat 🙂

To the girl…

🎼“To all the girls I’ve loved before🎤”, singing in my Willie Nelson voice…haha! WAIT?!?! Wrong post! And, by the way, you do not want to hear me sing in any voice…just sayin🤐

But seriously:

  • To the girl who steps on the scale everyday – why do you torture yourself? The look of disappointment and discouragement swallows you up. The scale is NOT your barometer for worth.
  • To the girl killing yourself doing cardio. You do not look like you are enjoying yourself. Change it up. Find something you enjoy. Exercise shouldn’t be punishment.

And, on an annoyance note:

  • To the girl who taped her pantyliner to the bathroom stall…seriously! Were you so bored that you decided to wallpaper the place? Ew, nasty!!!
  • To the girl who, apparently, had breakfast in the shower. Next time, please clean up after yourself. There’s a trashcan on every corner. Those extra steps can count for your fit-bit.

And, so ends “my song” for the day. A remix with all kinds of highs and lows…do, re, mi, fa🎼🎤🎼

Grateful for YOU

Thank you to all who have visited my blog. I’m not a professional blogger. I simply have a Love of WritingWriting, letting the pen flow freely, watching as the Ink Speaks. I started this blog as part of my therapy; as part of allowing myself to use my voice. My writing is so random. I’ve notice that, at times, my writing reflects my mood, or it’s affected by whatever is going on around me. So, my blog doesn’t have a theme…it’s just ME writing. And, that’s ok. I’m learning to allow my pen to flow without restricting it.

So, I Write… And I Write… some more.

This is us! These are my safe people. I’m glad you have joined us on this life journey. Whether you walk with us a few steps or many, we are glad you are here. Grateful for each and every one of you🌸

 

Encouraging the Writer

The holiday buzz behind us, with the crazy schedules or no schedules at all. Routine is welcomed. Getting back to my scheduled reading and writing. In reading Natalie Goldberg’s book, “Writing Down the Bones”, I was encouraged to write everyday, even if it’s gibberish. She also encourages timed writing. I like the feel of pen and paper and letting my thoughts flow freely without the thought of “writing for someone”. It’s so invigorating.

Here’s some quotes to encourage the writer within:

“If you wish to be a writer, write.” – unknown

“The worst thing you write is better than the best thing you didn’t write.” – unknown