Another Gym Rant

Morning y’all! My brain is doing better, thank you very much. So hot off the “presses” I bring you another Gym Rant. Gymboland is always a reliable source for writing material and extreme frustration for this “on-the-edge-girl”. But, hey, it could be worse…or could it?

Having stayed up past my bedtime, I ended up going a little later than usual to the gym. I thought “common sense” was lacking in the 3:00 am crowd, don’t know, maybe not enough sleep? Nope, I was wrong, common sense is NON-EXISTENT!

Questions, questions, questions…

To the lady sitting on the hip abductor (for at least 30 minutes) watching her telenovela, I’d ask, “Wouldn’t you be more comfortable in your warm casita, sipping a delicious cup of hot cafecito while you enjoy your telenovela on your big screen TV?” “Girl, but you are rocking that “on-point” gym outfit, so I guess you had to show it off.  Can you, maybe, walk around, yes?!?!”

To the cute young lady who jumped around for 15 minutes, then slept for an hour on that uncomfortable chair, I’d say, “I think your comfy bed would give you more spinal support. You might need a chiropractor appointment after that twisted nap.”

To the half naked lady (in the sauna) who slithered her way by me, and behind me with absolutely no respect for my personal space and my things, I’d ask, “Did you really just do that? Did you see me? Did you see my things? Do you care?” Nope! “All you cared for was laying yo-neked-bod-on-someone-else’s-spot!”

To the lady washing herself at the sink (yes…yes), I’d say, “Girl, you know there’s showers right behind you? It might be faster and easier, no se…just sayin!” 8-0

Oh, and I think I’ll carry a wad of tissues cause all that “slurping” is just not cool. Still working out the logistics as to how to “cordially” hand them out, though. Might need to work on a good plan for this…hehe!

Yes, folks, Gymboland – the happiest place on earth – has lived up to it’s name. Never a dull moment in this place, and guess what? You don’t even need an E-Ticket 😉

Putrid Smell

Plan in place. Expectations high. That room held much promise. Walking in she was assaulted by the violence of a title wave. A cascade that enveloped every part of her being by a putrid stench that filled that room. She pushed through, resolved to fulfill her plan. Watery eyes and burning nostrils would not deter her. The nausea would subside, soon; she hoped, cause there was a plan and it needed to be fulfilled.

A round opening was the source of this deadly gas. No promise of it closing any time soon, it oozed and oozed…at times whizzing. Can he be gone already…PLEASE! Nope, another deep breath in preparation for another wave of “assault” on the senses. And, so it went on…and on…and on.

The torturous assault is finally over. Time is up. Until the next time.

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Folks, I am back at the sauna. Yes, I’m a sucker for punishment 😉

I love garlic in a yummy pasta dish, garlic toast, etc. It makes for a flavorful mouthful of yumminess. However, smelling digested garlic, well, it just isn’t a favorite past time. Let’s face it, the sauna has many funky odors, however, this one just blew me out of the water. I’m thinking that on my next “adventure” I’ll bring something to offset that horrid assault on my nostrils. We will see…

The Sauna

Saunaa small room, heated to high temperatures used for health and relaxation. I place to unplug, unwind. I place of peace and quiet (my definition). Can you almost hear the waves splashing as the seagulls fly around? Yes, serenity!

My doctor initially recommended I join a full service gym to help with my chronic health issues. Now we have added “to help cope” with grief and sorrow with the added PTSD that has decided to tag along.

From my above definition, can you “see” what my expectations are as I venture into this “oasis” of tranquility? Allow me to entertain you with my brain activity during one, yes one, of my sauna sessions ⇒⇒⇒

Sitting down, legs crossed, eyes closed, deep breaths…yes, zoned out…come on! Door opens…don’t move…don’t open your eyes…stay in the zone.

Noises! What is that? Why is he grunting like that? Oh, seriously?! Is that music? LOUD music…the lyrics…goodness, they ain’t singing good things…oh that’s nasty. Wait, doesn’t he have headphones (oops, opened my eyes)…he does?!?!

Someone else enters – wait? it must be two people cause they are having a full blown conversation, a very loud conversation, if you ask me. She is on the phone…seriously?! who is she talking to at this hour? Oh, not a PG conversation…should I cover my ears?

Another – coughing and sniffling, really?! Cover your cough! Do you have a tissue? Do you need a tissue? In my opinion, you need lots of tissues AND you need to go to the bathroom to blow your nose…just saying.

Another – Salsa music, loud and clear. Yes, he has headphones (man, I opened my eyes again). He is dancing, like nobody is watching. Yeah, he needs some dancing lessons, but don’t tell him cause he thinks he is all that and a bag of chips.

Ok, this place is getting crowded. My time is up. I don’t think I found “the zone”.

Until next time…