Ocean Waves

The sound of the pounding waves ~ ~ calming…soothing

drowning out my weary soul

Pounding, wave after wave ~ ~ crashing…soothing

at the break of dawn…sunrise ringing in a new day

His mercies are new every morning

a welcomed sight to my numb soul

The vastness of these waters cannot drown out love

it magnifies it

it amplifies it

Take it in, oh hurting soul…drink deeply and be refreshed

 

Gym Routine

I like routine, however, I am continually learning to not be as rigid. This week I’m attempting to get back into the semblance of a regular gym schedule. That being said, here we go with a long overdue Gym Rant. Yes, who needs Another Gym Rant? I say, “we all do!” Cause, humor and sarcasm are just so therapeutic 😉

“The kids” are back in all it’s splendor. Maybe it’s Spring Break, maybe it’s boredom. Two “little-boys” barged into the steam room. You’d think they had ants in their pants. Their silly antics just did not match their physic. They grumbled and complained about how hot it was and how horrid that steam was. Seriously?!?! It’s not like someone has you locked in here! One had a cough that just wouldn’t quit. I was ready to see a lung or two on the floor any minute. Did he cover his mouth? Why, NO!!! That would be too much, like right.

Tarzan was back in the pool. I figured cheetah would arrive any minute given his loud screeches. Was he auditioning for something? What did those screams and shouts exercise? I’m thinking bigger ear plugs are needed :-0

The singing biker was filled with melodies. Maybe the high pitch voice had something to do with them tight daisy-duke-shorts. Maybe he is practicing for an audition? I don’t know, but someone should inform him that those sounds coming out of his mouth are pure torture to those around him…just sayin 8-/

Yes, the freaks really do come out at night (Sights & Sounds), AND I have run into them all!

Checking In

Howdy y’all 😀

Checking in. Thankfully I have been “gone” but not “down”. It’s been a busy few weeks of memories in the making.

Out of town visitor. Sight seeing. An extremely meaningful birthday marker and celebration. A destination wedding. Meaningful markers and symbols. Guiltless steps forward. Twirling the dance floor with my love. Laughter. Clarity of mind. Awe inspiring views…

March is here. We finally have sunshine and blooms all around. Birdies are singing beautiful melodies.

Writing has been abated, but not forgotten. Routine and discipline are needed, BUT not at the cost of time spent with my family. Changes, changes…always learning to prioritize. The journey continues…

A Step Forward

The thought. The decision. The plan. Support in place. The day had come, unannounced and without fanfare. No spiral. No fight. I guess, somehow, she knew it was time. Resolute and steady.

The walk, eternally long, even thought it was only a few steps away. Legs soft as wet noodles, yet heavy as lead. Standing before a sacred place, surrounded by love and support. In an instant her mind flooded with memories – laughs. giggles. good nights. good mornings. hugs. smiles. love —– screams. tears. pain. sorrow. grief…GOODBYE!

Prayer – Deep breath – Prayer – Deep breath

I CAN’T! Yes, it’s time. This doesn’t keep her alive. She is not here. You are not forgetting her. BUT…I can’t! Yes, it’s time. BUT…“, the tumultuous thoughts flooded her mind. Surrender. Acceptance. Shoulders down. Clenched hands released. Slow and Steady, the process began.

The soft blue blanket, that she loved to curl with. The teddy bear she tenderly clung to. The shirt that draped her little torso. The pillow, where her little head laid; where tears and sweat drenched it’s every inch. Piece by piece…tearing at my heart. WAIT?!?! How does something that has been obliterated into pieces, break even more? Oh, the mystery of LOVE.

And, so, the bed that held her frail, little body; where she was ushered from this life to the next, was stripped of its garments…two months short of the anniversary of the second year of her departure…Another marker…Another step. Propelled and held by love and acceptance. Oh, the mystery of LOVE.

~ winter has passed ~

⇒♦♦for now♦♦⇐

Stuck

The path has been riddled with puddles of quicksand. No warning signs, no brights lights signaling its upcoming presence. Step, step…STUCK! Step, step…STUCK! In my clear, unstuck moments I’m aware of those that “turn-on” the light and give me a hand, or literally carry me on to the next step…even when I am “done”, with no fight in me.

♥⇒My husband. how? why? does he get tired? will he get tired? gentle, quiet…my man! 35 years and counting…what grace!

♥⇒My Son. he needs his Mom. I need him. he is dealing with the loss of his sister and a Mom that often, checks out. what goes through his mind? does he feel like he’s not good enough to keep me going? is he pressured? is he afraid? my gentle giant! my boy! 34 years old and counting…what grace!

♥⇒My Son’s Girlfriend. loves me. respects me. cares for me. makes me laugh. cries with me. makes me feel so incredibly important. drops everything and sits with me as I spiral, vomiting chaos…AND she is simply there. her presence settles me. her hugs squeeze life into me. how? why? she doesn’t have to? Counting the days, months and years…what grace!

My friend who dropped everything and sat with me at coffee. That roller coaster conversation, with deep lows and huge highs. Sparks, tears and laughs. No judgment. No pat answers. Just grace. My Grieving Friend who spends hours with me on the phone, because distance prevents us from sitting with each other. Twenty years into her journey, which scares the poop out of me, because I can’t even fathom the thought of being without my daughter one moment further. Yet, she speaks Angie’s name, remembers her, talks about her and allows me to talk and talk, and repeat myself over and over…cause one cannot say the story enough. She does, however, remind me and shows me that “it” does get softer. My massage therapist, who is a gift. She not only takes care of this “balled-up-crackly” body, but speaks life into me. As I was leaving from my massage she held me and told me, “You matter! You bless me! Don’t give up! I’m praying for you!” She squeezed me and held me. What grace!

♥⇒My Lifelong Buddy. goofy and all, she demonstrates an unwavering strength of love and loyalty. she doesn’t retreat. she doesn’t stay away from the ugly. she barges in and stays. she constantly puts soft “sponges” on the sharp edges of this porcupine.

God shows up everywhere, surrounding me with these amazing humans. Showering me with love and care. Oh, mercy and grace to sit here and type and breath and take one more step♥

~ Spring always follows Winter  ~