Pedicure

It’s Saturday! What to do?

Summer and Sandals go together, right? Of course, sandals call for the cutest pedicure, unless —squirrel!— your like that lady I saw yesterday wearing shorts a tank top and sandals with (ready!?) white socks that reached all the way up to her knees! Yup! Yes, I cringed too.

Anywho, come on, let’s go get a pedicure! I’m bringing a book, and my notebook with my pen ready to write. Natalie Goldberg in her book “Writing Down the Bones” recommends one try to write anywhere and everywhere. The nail salon might be a good place to attempt to write “undistracted”.

Here we are. Good, it’s not that crowded. “Yes, pedicure, please.”

The comfortable massage chair beckons me to sit and unwind. The tub in front of it is being filled with bubbly warm water. Feet in…yes! My pedicurist and I try to communicate, yeah both accents are not meshing very well. Yes, a written paper with a “menu” of services. I point to the pedicure with massage, ending with warm towels.

Book, notebook and pen on my lap…trying to get my mind to settle…trying to get those creative juices going…OUCH!!! Can you guess where this is going? Um, is it just me? Are my attempts at “self-care” producing more, um, pain?

And, so proceeded the endless ouch! sorry! ouch! sorry! ouch! sorry! Blood, a chunk pulled out of my toe with oodles of crazy glue (yes, crazy glue…crazy huh?!) poured into the hole to stop the bleeding. By the way, this was my second time trying this place. I figured the first “assault”, I mean pedicure, she was probably having a bad day. Well, from the looks of it, today she is having an even worse day, AND we can’t communicate! You’d think my cringing face, the pulling of my foot and my audible “ouch” would be enough for her to get the message, right?

It’s over…I’m limping…my toe is throbbing. This might not have been the greatest idea. I think I need to find another nail place…don’t know…ha!ha! Ya think!

My Massage

It’s been a little gloomy around here, so I think it’s time for some R&R.

Today I am going to take you to a place of rest, relaxation and renewal. Where your body will be lavishly lathered with wonderful coconut oil. All your senses will be engaged as you hear the sound of the birds, amidst the ocean waves crashing and taking you into a place of total bliss. The aromatherapy with it’s lavender scent will calm and relax you…deep breath…can you smell it? Let yourself go…relax!

That is until “Genna” (not her real name) walks in!

Picture Rocky training to “Eye of the Tiger”. Can you hear the knuckles cracking?

AND SO IT STARTS…your relaxing massage – ha!ha!, so you thought 8-\

Snap, crackle, pop! Wait, should I be fighting back? I’m confused…

She asks, “how are you doing?” My thoughts, “do you really want to know?” In a barely audible, squeaky whisper I manage to say, “ok…”

The torture, I mean massage, continues. Ouch! Was that an elbow to my…OUCH! Ok, never mind…uncle, uncle! Whatever she is pressing is making me lift from the table…really?! I’m paying for this?

Finally, she is done! The 60 minute relaxing massage, which turned into an all out beating, which I must say was totally unfair.  I should have fought back…just sayin!  Anywho, it was finally over!

On the bright side (cause I’m really trying to find the “bright side) it did take my mind off my emotional pain 😉

Where will I go next? Stay tuned…you just never know 😀

Thank you

Howdy all!

A little over a month ago I started this Blog. I’ve noticed some traffic – visits, likes, comments, follows – THANK YOU!

I have always liked reading and writing (Love of Writing). On May 8, 2017 my beautiful, 30 year old daughter went to heaven after a 10 month battle with cancer. I plummeted (not out yet) into a deep hole of sorrow and grief. Writing has become a source of “vomiting” my grief and pain onto paper. Typing onto a Blog is part of my process of trusting “my voice” to the outside world.

I’m a woman of faith, who loves her family, likes to have fun AND humor and sarcasm are, well part of me. I write about the good, the bad and the ugly…and the “really?!” “seriously?!” moments of my entire life.

Thank you for joining me on my life journey. Whether you peek in or stay a while, I am thankful for you.

The PEN is READY, what will come out next…

Images

Images, images…an onslaught of images; a constant replay.

What’s playing, “presently”, in the theater of my mind? My beautiful daughter being placed in that bag. Yes, it was just her shell! Yes, she “wasn’t there” anymore! Yes, yes, yes…I KNOW!!! It was all part of the “normal” process! I get it! I accept it! BUT the torture and assault of those images is relentlessly painful and gut wrenching!

Her frail, lifeless little body being placed on that gurney, with that black ominous bag. The zipper going up, up…closing…watching her little face disappear. I wanted to turn away, but that seemed “unloving”, and I wanted to “see” her face as long as I possibly could. I wanted to scream, “she will suffocate!” I wanted to STOP the process. I thought I’d vomit…maybe if I vomited that twisted feeling in my guts would be relieved…UGH!!!

I try to renew my mind. I try to “think” on things that are true, noble, praiseworthy. Really…I do! But somehow, the images return, over and over again. I am thankful for the times that the images are of joyful, memorable moments. I welcome the relief and joy they bring.

Always on the edge. People…noises…anything threatens to take me over the edge; to explode.

I wonder, “If the images stopped, would I stop missing her; remembering her?” “Are these horrid images better than not having anything at all?”

And so the journey continues…one day, one moment, one second at a time. Thankful for the grace to do just that…one second at a time!

“Cry whenever you need to. Scream. Shout. Lay on the floor. Sob in the shower. Be still. Run. Share without fear. Listen. Release your pain. Breathe. Be courageous. Throw away the map. Wander. Be real. Be compassionate. Read. Seek friendship. Be vulnerable. Don’t fear being broken.” ~ Zoe Clark-Coates