If…

If the coldness & deadness of winter was all there was,

then I’d be stuck in The Path

If the pain & discomfort of childbearing was it’s end,

then I’d miss the joy of a New Life

If the worm infested grave was The End,

then I’d have no purpose for Living

🖤HOPE – beyond the here and now🖤

✝️HOPE – beyond the grave✝️

 

We Need Food

Remember, Nutrition matters. Food is part of our life.

Once upon a time (long, long ago), I could eat anything in any amount and not gain weight. It was a mindless, very fulfilling, endeavor. I can’t remember when and where it all changed. However, “change” is part of my life. Remember my Frail Frame? I’ve dealt (and deal) with hormonal issues, adrenal fatigue, horrid digestion (IBS), hashimotos (thyroid), and the list continues.

Growing up, I don’t remember salads being part of our meal plan. Being a big family with limited resources, our food choices were extremely limited. Our first attempt at a “salad” was cabbage and tomatoes drowned in chile y limon. I think we put chile y limon on everything.

For a brief time I sought out the help of a nutritionist, it really helped, but our budget couldn’t handle this added expense. But a learned some things. And, the learning continues from here and there and everywhere. Most of all, I’m learning to know what my body needs. What I did before, might need to be tweaked or changed all together. It’s a lifetime of learning.

It’s very disheartening seeing posts like, “drink this magical concoction and lose belly fat while you sleep”…SERIOUSLY?!?! Followed by a post “eating tacos”, lots of tacos. Or those photo-shopped, filtered pictures, “look like this with my program in only 30 days”. Yeah, no!

I follow this guy @cartergood on IG. He is so down to earth. He says,

“Stop worrying about how quickly you’re losing weight. A year from now, are you really gonna care if it took you 3, 6, or 9+ months to lose weight? Hell no. Instead, you’ll be glad you took your time developing habits that will help you stay lean and healthy forever.”

For me, the scale is not my barometer. For me, it is about doing my part to be as healthy as I can be. To be able to enjoy my family time as much as possible. Because I am a whole person, I need to care for myself Spiritually and learning to feed my body with good, needed food and moving with some form of exercise (Let’s get Physical).

What are you doing to care for yourself?

The Day After

Made it to the other side. The fog has cleared. The tightness released. Now the Grief Unchained and the Unfiltered thoughts are released…brace yourself!

My God has not shrunk. My faith has not been diminished. In fact my faith is what keeps me from ending it all; from escaping this world that seems to be vent on adding vinegar to my wound.

You telling me that Angie is on your heart and mind, doesn’t diminish my pain and envy that you are celebrating your daughter’s special day. Do I always have to take the high road? Do I always have to think nice happy thoughts? Can you allow me to be real and honest about my sorrow and grief? Does it always have to be kosher?

So there’s a timeline? But it has already been x-amount-of-days! Oh, excuse me, I didn’t realize that I’m not on your timetable. I didn’t realize that my grief had an expiration date. Don’t you know that one second without my daughter is an eternity? Don’t you know that until she’s in my arms, I will ache to hold her? Don’t rush me! Don’t patronize me!

You can’t handle my “thoughts”. The continual horrid movie playing, nonstop – unrelenting. My daughter wasting away, until she’s only skin and bones. My daughter vomiting her insides. My daughter looking at Mommie, asking for help. My daughter crying, saying she doesn’t want to die. AND, I, unable to grant her wish. That body bag! That casket! That deep hole!

My Reality! My Journey!

Just another day in the life of a grieving mother😢💔

Spiritually

Yikes, yes, I am venturing into an area that can be extremely touchy. However, it is needed. My Frail Frame is made up of many components. I am a whole person. Therefore, self-care needs to be exercised in all areas. If my vertical relationship is off, my horizontal relationships are off as well. If I believe that I’ve been entrusted with a precious gift (my body) then, I will be motivated to care for it. If I value what I’ve been given, then I will do my best to take care of it – consistency, NOT perfection.

For me, the “core” of my being is my relationship with God. Everything else hinges on this. So, before I venture into my exercise (physical) routine (future post), I will tell you what I do to “maintain” my spirit and soul.

I read. My Bible and all kinds of books, from all over the place. Since my daughter went to heaven, I’ve been reading books written by bereaved parents and books on pain and suffering. My brain can get chaotic at times, so I’ve incorporated audio books.

I pray. I meditate. I might fall asleep, I might space out, I might be all over the place, but I “purposely” set aside time for this. For meditation, I’ve incorporated guided meditations I found on the internet. The place varies, because I’m just all over the place lately. I also found a “show” (not sure how to call it), that plays soft music as I watch beautiful scenic pictures. I have found this incredibly soothing.

I go to church. My husband and I attend church on Sundays (sometimes we miss, that’s just life). For us, it feels like a “reset button” on the week.

I listen to music. At home or at the gym. Sometimes, I need to hear music that gives me hope and centers my attention on things above. Sometimes, I simply need soothing instrumental music to wash over me.

I journal. A thought. A reminder. Something to “meditate”. A promise. Pouring out my thoughts. Pouring out my laments. Pouring out my joys.

Things change. Schedule varies. Mind goes bonkers. Whatever…nothing is set in stone. Change is inevitable. Not a checklist, just what helps me.

Body ~ Mind ~ Soul ~ Spirit

⇒Caring for the Whole Person⇐