Frail Frame

I have always been sickly. I remember “joking” with my mom saying, “Hey, Mom, the reason I’ve always been sick is because you and Dad made me out of scraps.” She didn’t find the humor in this, but I thought it was hilarious. You see, I was pregnancy number 15.

female issues since I can remember, which ended in a hysterectomy at 21, which plummeted me into hormonal hell. migraines. fibromyalgia. chronic pain. chronic fatigue syndrome. degenerative osteoarthritis in my spine. sports injuries and falls, which have made for horrid arthritis in and around my coccyx. planters fasciitis with bone spurs in my heels. uncooperative, painful knees – I’ll stop cause I’m getting depressed typing this list :-/

Physical activity is not foreign to me, and, I actually enjoy it. But as I was facing one physical ailment after another, well, I was discouraged and, quite honestly, I thought I was doomed to a couch for the rest of my life. I continued my walking and attempted some jogging, but I would end up laid out for the rest of the day, and at times weeks.

As fate would have it, one of my daughter’s therapist recommended that she join a full service gym. He explained the benefits, and well, we budgeted and joined together. My daughter was autistic, and although she was high-functioning, I was her “security-blanket”. So there I was venturing into a huge-gym with my “shadow”. Supposedly, I was there for her, but little did she know that she helped me conquer so many fears. I felt like I was in high-school again (cringe). Here I was with my K-mart outfit and all around me were the fashionable-gym-bunnies. But the fact that I was there “for” my daughter, well, it just didn’t matter. Goodness, in February it will be 3 years that we took that plunge. So much has happened since, but I digress.

I’ve had to “rethink” physical activity. I’ve had to “regroup” over and over again. I’ve had to “revamp” a work out routine. And, modify, modify, modify. And, I’d venture to say “modification” will be my friend for the rest of my life. However, LORD willing, I will continue to “move”, even if it is at the pace of a turtle.

“Stop treating fitness like it’s a punishment. You can choose to eat and exercise in a way that significantly improves the way you look and feel. That’s not a punishment. That’s a privilege.” – cartergood

I’ll share my present exercise routine on a future post. Hope this encourages you to do something…anything…for the benefit of “the gift” you’ve been given ❤

Tools for the Journey

I’d like to pass along a few things that are helping me in coping with my PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks, depressions, etc., etc.

small print in BIG BOLD LETTERS – I am NOT, I repeat, I am NOT a professional. My journey “continues”. What is working now, might not work later. And…so…on and so forth. Just sharing what is working for me.

  • I bought noise canceling headphones. So far so good. Also, I’m making it a practice of wearing them in the sauna. I found a guided meditation program, which typically lasts about 15 minutes. I either “listen” to that or soft instrumental music with my eyes closed to avoid distractions.
  • For the smells, I bring in a washcloth with peppermint on it. As I practice my breathing, I’ve incorporated placing the cloth in close proximity so as to breath in the peppermint. It invigorates me (added bonus, clears my sinuses).
  • My son shared with me some info about the carnivorous diet. I’m NOT all in, but I am trying. So far, all I can say is that “beef-makes-me-muy-happy” 😀

The journey continues. So grateful for clarity, and, yes, I’m beginning to sense a “spunk” in my step. AND, maybe, just maybe there is JOY in the “mourning”.

Gym Swell

The first “regular” Monday of the year brings an onslaught of new people desiring to begin afresh their work-out routine. The crowds are coming in causing the place to swell up with energetic resolutions. I foresee Gym Rant after Another Gym Rant in my future.

I’m not sure if I’m ready for more Putrid Smell, but, this time I think I’m ready, peppermint in hand. As for The Sauna, well, I’ve already been tested:

Two young girls, cussing like sailors. Speaking about things I, nor anyone, need to hear. Do they think they are cool? Do they think they sound interesting? Big, bad…whatever!

A guy with blasting music. As a woman, I hate being called a b**ch. Every reference to a woman in those sexually-laced lyrics…really?! What was being done to the woman, was explicit and vile. Is there no respect? Can the bedroom be a sanctuary for two? I was disgusted and he was oblivious. Gentleman know how to treat a lady.

On another note – just my two cents on a topic that is close to my heart. If you are new to exercising or the gym routine, get yourself a buddy or someone that knows what they are doing. I remember walking into a gym for the first time and how overwhelming and intimidating it was. The only reason I walked in was because I was there to support my daughter, which really worked out for both of us. Then I met an amazing woman, who happened to be a personal trainer. She took us under her wing and showed us the ropes. In February it will be 3 years that I’m a “regular” in the gym scene. The benefits of working out are numerous. One being my mental health.

So, let’s move it, move it! Otherwise we lose it 😉

Asking for Input

Today is a “good day”…so thankful! My mind isn’t as foggy, so I’m thinking about something and wondered if I can get your advice.

Noises can send me through the roof. At times they totally paralyze me. My mind shuts down and I have no idea what I am doing or where I am going. Other times, noises send me into a full blown panic attack. I’ll either end up in my car screaming and crying or pacing up and down, growling like a caged animal looking to escape. The first year after my daughter’s passing was bad, but this second year is so much worse. I am told that the anesthesia has worn off and this is part of PTSD.

I’ve been told that maybe ear plugs will help, or noise cancelling headphones.

Questions:  Any advice? Any input? Have ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones worked for any of you?

Just thought I’d ask…