A Moment in Time

The soft strums of the guitar; the beat of the drums.

You come near…extend your hand…the silent invitation.

My hand in yours, our feet begin to move, our bodies sway as one.

What bliss! What intoxicating abandonment!

Dancing under the stars…losing ourselves in the moment.

There’s laughter…there’s joy…there’s pleasure…

Is it possible?

The canopy of sorrow and grief is lifted…

for a moment…

a moment in time.

Under the stars, we dance…we dance…what bliss!

AND…just for a moment…everything was alright.

Honest Ponderings

The realization that you are more like your Dad than you thought. Well, in all honesty, I had never even made the connection. As I ponder this, the thought nearly suffocates me. I said, “Everyone adored and respected my Dad. He always did good for everyone —— EXCEPT his own children.” I gasped…then…boom! I WAS JUST LIKE MY DAD!!!

Known, traveling, sought after, helping here and there, “rescuing”…making a name for myself. Yikes! BUT what about my children? My husband? They were being left behind…set aside. The “others” came first. My family got what was left, if anything. Everyone “loved me” when I was their “savior”. Now, I’m just a by-word. They shake their heads in unbelief and disappointment. I’ve let “them” down. I fell off the man-made pedestal.

No human being is meant to be all-things to all-people. Only God can do that. Humans disintegrate under the weight of trying to meet everyone’s needs and expectations. Humans aren’t meant to do that.

In a world of “trying-to-do-it-all”, we miss the MOST important. I am a wife to my husband. No one else can or should fill those shoes. I am “still” a mother to my remaining son (my daughter is in heaven). No one else can be or should be their Momma.

The memory of my precious daughter, on her last days here on earth, calling out to me, “Mommie!” Guess what, no one else would do. She wanted her Mommie

Clarity of mind in the midst of this intense fog – go figure…what a gift! So often, we come to “aha moments” too late.

Grateful, it is not to late for me!

Motivation Monday

Not your typical “motivation Monday” post…

What motivates me? What should motivate me? Should I be motivated? Do I need motivation?

What if there’s absolutely NOTHING to reach for? What if “life” has lost it’s zeal, gusto, purpose, motivation?

If a person motivates me, what happens when that person moves, leaves, disappoints?

If a project motivates me, what happens if it fizzles or you lose interest or there is simply no need for it?

No motivation…no desire to even get up. Getting up and putting one foot in front of the other is quiet an accomplishment. Unless there is stiffness and pain, then the steps are more like shuffles. Each step or shuffle is a choice, a decision.

YET…

There is that smile on a loved ones face when a childhood dream is fulfilled. There are times of laughter. Times of enjoying a scrumptious meal. Times of being foolish and laughing and losing yourself in that moment. Precious moments that would have been lost had you not made that choice to “put one foot in front of the other”.

Today, I’d say, “THAT motivates me!”

Asking for Input

Today is a “good day”…so thankful! My mind isn’t as foggy, so I’m thinking about something and wondered if I can get your advice.

Noises can send me through the roof. At times they totally paralyze me. My mind shuts down and I have no idea what I am doing or where I am going. Other times, noises send me into a full blown panic attack. I’ll either end up in my car screaming and crying or pacing up and down, growling like a caged animal looking to escape. The first year after my daughter’s passing was bad, but this second year is so much worse. I am told that the anesthesia has worn off and this is part of PTSD.

I’ve been told that maybe ear plugs will help, or noise cancelling headphones.

Questions:  Any advice? Any input? Have ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones worked for any of you?

Just thought I’d ask…

Gym Rant

Ready for another gym rant, I mean “post”?

As I’ve mentioned before, I go to the gym early to avoid people, noises…ha!ha! pretty much everything. However, for some reason, “stupidity” follows me 8-\

Remember the locker room? (Not A Robot)? Yeah, it continues. This time I got to see the perpetrator face-to-face! So, I’m done with my workout. Heading toward my locker I see someone standing right by it with her stuff all over the place (typical). I think, “when she sees me heading that way she will move aside” — ha!ha! that would be the right thing to do, but NOT for mua! She turns away from me as if she didn’t see me. I clear my throat…I’m standing right next to her…she ignores me! Her locker door is totally blocking mine. I say, “excuse me”, nothing! I clear my throat again and ask if I can get to my locker. NOTHING!!! I gently grab her locker door and move it so that I can get into my locker, slide myself in and get my stuff and move to another locker (you would have been proud of me). She doesn’t even say a peep! People, just know, I am NOT a very patient and kind person. It seriously took a lot of self-control for me not to…well…I’ll just let you imagine it. She better be thankful that she wasn’t dealing with “La Sleepy from the Hood” cause things would have gotten ugly.  This post would not be a rant from my living room, but a rant from a four-by-four room with me wearing a fashionable “orange-suite-with-a-number”…just sayin!

Remember the bathroom? (Not A Robot) So, add to what I told you this – there is this lady that puts all her things on this particular treadmill (cause there’s not 10 other treadmills to use…ha!ha!). She goes to the bathroom and “sits” for like 30 minutes listening to music and doing her thang. Today, her music was loud as can be. I’m guessing it was to drown out the “music” she was making. All I have to say is, the music was not drowning out the “sounds” from the rest of us :-/

And, we have the parking lot. Folks, this gym is big, so the parking lot is huge. When I get there I park close to the door because it’s still dark outside and because there’s only like 5 cars on the lot and because I want to. When I leave, it’s still early and there are still plenty of parking spaces. Would you believe it if I told you that I’ve been honked at and blasted with high beams because I’m not quick enough to move out of the parking space?  Yup, I have. People, people!!! Maybe, just maybe, if they parked further they’d get more steps for their fit-bit…just sayin!

Ok, so I’m laughing now! Silver lining is, when the writing juices aren’t flowing, there’s always something to write “from the gym”…he!he!