readypen8

Sights & Sounds

I guess the Freaks do go out at night. Just when I think I’ve seen it all, I’m surprised by The Flash.

The Hot Hulk, let out a grunt, as he splattered the weights on the floor. I, seriously, thought he tore something, but nah, he continued with that annoying routine, flexing and being Mr. America. Lest you think he was a hunk of a man, the “hot” description is due to his face being so red I thought it was going to explode. Just needed to clarify that.

The Sleeping Giant was curled up in a corner. I think he forgot his blankie and teddy bear. I wonder if he found that routine on youtube? Is that the 2019 new and improved cardio-blast? I wonder if he took some kinda-supplement to maintain that rhythm? Seriously, nothing took his concentration off his routine. I’m kinda-jealous.

The Fashionable Snoozer has found that his favorite piece of equipment is the comfy couch (🐿 Why are there couches in the gym???). For a big man, he sure knows how to bend according to the cushions. Not sure what role the liquid coming out of his mouth plays in his routine, but I’m sure it’s beneficial because it’s flowing like Niagara falls. Such talent, and I’m happy to report that he has been consistent in it’s use the whole week. Just so talented!

On a serious note – if you have access to a gym, please take advantage of it. The benefits are amazing. For me it helps me as a “whole” person. I will share some of my ailments and my continued journey in a realm that can either be really hyped or really avoided. Again, I desire to share what is working for me. I also want to communicate that it is not a one-size-fit-all, and that changes inevitably happen. So stay tuned! We made it through the first regular week of 2019. Yay!!!

“You got to move it, move it…physically fit…” (singing with King Julien, Madagascar Movie)

Tools for the Journey

I’d like to pass along a few things that are helping me in coping with my PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks, depressions, etc., etc.

small print in BIG BOLD LETTERS – I am NOT, I repeat, I am NOT a professional. My journey “continues”. What is working now, might not work later. And…so…on and so forth. Just sharing what is working for me.

I bought noise canceling headphones. So far so good. Also, I’m making it a practice of wearing them in the sauna. I found a guided meditation program, which typically lasts about 15 minutes. I either “listen” to that or soft instrumental music with my eyes closed to avoid distractions.
For the smells, I bring in a washcloth with peppermint on it. As I practice my breathing, I’ve incorporated placing the cloth in close proximity so as to breath in the peppermint. It invigorates me (added bonus, clears my sinuses).
My son shared with me some info about the carnivorous diet. I’m NOT all in, but I am trying. So far, all I can say is that “beef-makes-me-muy-happy” 😀

The journey continues. So grateful for clarity, and, yes, I’m beginning to sense a “spunk” in my step. AND, maybe, just maybe there is JOY in the “mourning”.

Emotions (sws)

PRESENT – amidst – joy, pain; laughter, tears.

(#hemingway #sixwordstory)

Encouraging the Writer

The holiday buzz behind us, with the crazy schedules or no schedules at all. Routine is welcomed. Getting back to my scheduled reading and writing. In reading Natalie Goldberg’s book, “Writing Down the Bones”, I was encouraged to write everyday, even if it’s gibberish. She also encourages timed writing. I like the feel of pen and paper and letting my thoughts flow freely without the thought of “writing for someone”. It’s so invigorating.

Here’s some quotes to encourage the writer within:

“If you wish to be a writer, write.” – unknown

“The worst thing you write is better than the best thing you didn’t write.” – unknown

Gym Swell

The first “regular” Monday of the year brings an onslaught of new people desiring to begin afresh their work-out routine. The crowds are coming in causing the place to swell up with energetic resolutions. I foresee Gym Rant after Another Gym Rant in my future.

I’m not sure if I’m ready for more Putrid Smell, but, this time I think I’m ready, peppermint in hand. As for The Sauna, well, I’ve already been tested:

Two young girls, cussing like sailors. Speaking about things I, nor anyone, need to hear. Do they think they are cool? Do they think they sound interesting? Big, bad…whatever!

A guy with blasting music. As a woman, I hate being called a b**ch. Every reference to a woman in those sexually-laced lyrics…really?! What was being done to the woman, was explicit and vile. Is there no respect? Can the bedroom be a sanctuary for two? I was disgusted and he was oblivious. Gentleman know how to treat a lady.

On another note – just my two cents on a topic that is close to my heart. If you are new to exercising or the gym routine, get yourself a buddy or someone that knows what they are doing. I remember walking into a gym for the first time and how overwhelming and intimidating it was. The only reason I walked in was because I was there to support my daughter, which really worked out for both of us. Then I met an amazing woman, who happened to be a personal trainer. She took us under her wing and showed us the ropes. In February it will be 3 years that I’m a “regular” in the gym scene. The benefits of working out are numerous. One being my mental health.

So, let’s move it, move it! Otherwise we lose it 😉

Binding Garments

Should my clothes be a comfortable piece of garment, simply used to cover myself or should they be torturous arsenals inflicting pain at every turn? I don’t know! I’d like to go with door number 1, please. Cause, hey, there is already enough torture without me inflicting it upon myself. Just sayin…

Have you seen some of the corsets used ages ago? Someone literally pulling strings while the person inside this horrid pieces of cloth is tightened, and tightened. I wonder how their eyes didn’t pop out. How did they eat? How did they move? Heck, how did they breathe? Remember Ms. Thang and her Death by Spanx? Yeah, pretty traumatic!

Maybe the new year and all the fitness resolutions being splattered all over the place that has my Inquiring Mind going.

How does one choose a sports bra? A comfortable, non-binding piece of garment…please! I know, I know, “more bounce to the ounce” is a catchy song lyric, and on the dance floor, it just might work. But, hey, it has no place on the gym floor. Jumping jacks without “support” is not a picture I want my eyes to behold. The need to keep them “girls” nicely in place is, well, needed. Especially as one gets older. Of course, this is a total reference to someone else 😉

Just to get into some of these contraptions is a workout in and of itself. Seriously! And, getting out of them…well, just pass the vaseline, please!

How do we solve this problem? How do we come up with a solution to this dilemma? I simply don’t know, my dear, Watson. It’s a continual unsolved mystery. One that I am sure, will yield much material for writing 😉

Scars

“A scar is an area of fibrous tissue that replaces normal skin after an injury. Scars result from the biological process of wound repair in the skin, as well as in other organs and tissues of the body. Thus, scarring is a natural part of the healing process” – Wikipedia

normal – injury – wound – repair – natural – healing

Some scars are seen, some unseen. Some are the result of playfulness, while others can be traumatic.

My husband has a scar on his chin, the result of a fall he had while in boot camp.

My son has scars on his face, the result of childhood antics. He imagined himself Superman and jumped off stairs. And, not just once.

My daughter had a scar on her back, which went from the curve of her neck to her tailbone. It was the result of mayor surgery. She had scoliosis (severe curvature of the spine).

Some scars are embarrassing and cause us to hide. While others are worn, almost as a badge of honor. Some cause people to flinch, while others draw their undivided attention.

There is a story behind every scar. Are we willing to share it? I’d say, share away. It makes for very interesting conversations.

~ ~ ~ scars are part of LIVING ~ ~ ~

Word for 2019

As I said, Goodbye 2018, I wondered if I’d pick a “word” for 2019.

Reading, “it” came! Now, I wonder, in the mystery of it all, if The Word is the one that picks me? I wasn’t looking. I wasn’t trying. I was simply reading, and POW, there it was.

♥ ♥ ♥ Beloved ♥ ♥ ♥

⇒I am loved by God⇐

⇒I am loved by my Family⇐

No earning. No striving. Nothing to do. Nothing to prove. Simply accepting being LOVED.

“Wisdom is realizing [that] allowing someone to help us can be a much bigger task than actually helping someone else. Accepting help means releasing the judgement we’ve imposed on ourselves.” – Melki JK Russell

Hello 2019

I’ve been handed a gift. It’s opened and ready to be embraced. This is not like most gifts. A typical gift is given and opened at will. This gift has been handed to me and opened already, even if I didn’t want to receive it or open it. In a typical gift, one is able to see the entire contents of the package. This gift is one I get to “open” moment-by-moment. I can only “see” what’s in front of me. The future is unknown. Each moment a welcomed surprise, or a surprise I’d rather not have. However, “it” is still a marvelous gift. One not granted to many.

~ 365 days ~

And, so, I will continue to learn to Just Breathe…; to allow my pen to flow freely and let Ink Speaks; to embrace that I am Different; to Live! today, for tomorrow is not a guarantee; to Just be… present in the moment.

My husband, my son, my son’s girlfriend (who has become a dear friend), are my safe people. They love and support me – AND I do not take this for granted. I am keenly aware that not everyone is surrounded by such love and support.

So I lift my glass and toast with each one of you, my fellow sojourners. Grateful for the time you take to visit. Grab a chair and stay awhile, but only if you wish. If you pass by, thank you! Glad you found your way through this place.

Today I have my walking shoes on and am “ready” to continue the journey. Tomorrow, well, I can’t say. But, hey, in the “present”, I say let the pen be ready for what comes next 😀

Will you join me?

Birthday Month

The year, 1984. Me, on my third pregnancy. Blissful, was not part of my experience. Having had two miscarriages, we didn’t dare get excited. Complications, loss of weight, barely keeping YOU “safe” inside my womb to continue to grow strong.

December 3, at my regular doctor check up. Seven months along, cheering for the finish line. Nope! Not going to make it! Your heartbeat was barely audible. And, unbeknownst to me, the fluid that I was losing was not pee, but embryonic fluid. Crazy, I know!

Rush! Rush! Rush! Here you were, a healthy baby boy! Making your entrance with a loud cry and peeing all over the nurses. Definitely all boy! Who knew, then, what lay ahead.

Today the roles have changed ⇒⇒⇒

The day we received that final “no”, and knew that the inevitable was so close. In the back yard I screamed, and hit (literally) the block wall. There you were, your hand on my shoulder holding me in your arms. I sobbed!
The day Angie took her last breath. As a zombie, I walked out to her memory garden, stooping down, I wrote “this date”. My knees gave way. There you were, holding me up.
As that van drove away with her little body. There you were, to scrape me off the driveway.
As her shell was being lowered into the grave. There you were, your arm around me.

⇒⇒⇒I could go on and on…

How is it that such a mess of a human would birth such amazing human beings? God has been so good to me! He gave me YOU🖤

This year, we have danced together; we have sang together; we have laughed together; and, yes, we have shed tears together. You have given me the gift of allowing me to be me; of walking toward the mess and not away from it.

34 years and counting! May God, in His grace, give us many more years together.

I love you so very much, Son🖤