Gym Rant

Ready for another gym rant, I mean “post”?

As I’ve mentioned before, I go to the gym early to avoid people, noises…ha!ha! pretty much everything. However, for some reason, “stupidity” follows me 8-\

Remember the locker room? (Not A Robot)? Yeah, it continues. This time I got to see the perpetrator face-to-face! So, I’m done with my workout. Heading toward my locker I see someone standing right by it with her stuff all over the place (typical). I think, “when she sees me heading that way she will move aside” — ha!ha! that would be the right thing to do, but NOT for mua! She turns away from me as if she didn’t see me. I clear my throat…I’m standing right next to her…she ignores me! Her locker door is totally blocking mine. I say, “excuse me”, nothing! I clear my throat again and ask if I can get to my locker. NOTHING!!! I gently grab her locker door and move it so that I can get into my locker, slide myself in and get my stuff and move to another locker (you would have been proud of me). She doesn’t even say a peep! People, just know, I am NOT a very patient and kind person. It seriously took a lot of self-control for me not to…well…I’ll just let you imagine it. She better be thankful that she wasn’t dealing with “La Sleepy from the Hood” cause things would have gotten ugly.  This post would not be a rant from my living room, but a rant from a four-by-four room with me wearing a fashionable “orange-suite-with-a-number”…just sayin!

Remember the bathroom? (Not A Robot) So, add to what I told you this – there is this lady that puts all her things on this particular treadmill (cause there’s not 10 other treadmills to use…ha!ha!). She goes to the bathroom and “sits” for like 30 minutes listening to music and doing her thang. Today, her music was loud as can be. I’m guessing it was to drown out the “music” she was making. All I have to say is, the music was not drowning out the “sounds” from the rest of us :-/

And, we have the parking lot. Folks, this gym is big, so the parking lot is huge. When I get there I park close to the door because it’s still dark outside and because there’s only like 5 cars on the lot and because I want to. When I leave, it’s still early and there are still plenty of parking spaces. Would you believe it if I told you that I’ve been honked at and blasted with high beams because I’m not quick enough to move out of the parking space?  Yup, I have. People, people!!! Maybe, just maybe, if they parked further they’d get more steps for their fit-bit…just sayin!

Ok, so I’m laughing now! Silver lining is, when the writing juices aren’t flowing, there’s always something to write “from the gym”…he!he!

 

Raw Thoughts

Today no rhyme nor reason…no poems or stories…just raw thoughts and pondering.

A heaviness. A feeling of being in a suffocating bubble. The thought that this bubble is protecting you, somehow shielding you, yet so suffocating…not having the strength to burst out of it, or really not even having the desire to come out.

The feeling that “life” is happening all around you. Like an out of body experience, I’m looking “in” thinking “everyone is so happy”…not feeling left out or wanting to engage…the desire to disappear…it would be better.

Hearing people make plans for the future, while your mind wants to turn off or just make it through this moment. Seeing people look at themselves as they work on that perfect body, while all you want is to get your heart rate up so your body can produce that proverbial natural “happy pill” (endorphins).

The feeling that you dampen everyone’s happy moments, like a wet rag flopping on everyone’s happiness. Dragging everyone down, why not disappear?

Sinking, sinking, yet knowing that you are already at the bottom of this bottomless pit.

Noises, people, laughter, life…can it all just SHUT IT!

The masquerade is sickening…I don’t want to play along…where’s the “shut-off button”, can someone, please, turn “it” off………………………….

Plastic Faces

Blissfully joyful, a facade.

Plastic smiles, painted red.

Suffocating, plastic shade.

Do you know me?

Do you care?

Masquerade…Masquerade!

“…Masquerade! Paper faces on parade

Masquerade! Hide your face so the world will never find you

Masquerade! Every face a different shade

Masquerade! Look around, there’s another mask behind you…”

Masquerade from Phantom of the Opera

The Oldest Girl

Married at 15, having already lived a “full life”.  No quinceañera, no prom, no pictures to capture the accomplishments of her life. The oldest in a large family. Her Momma always busy, sick and/or pregnant. The daily chores overwhelming for anyone, let alone a little girl. In this culture large families were the norm. The eldest would soon be helping out around the house, especially if she was a girl. She did it all, and was a Mom to her siblings, more so than their own Mother. As if the household chores weren’t enough, she would be demanded to help out tending to the land along with her Father and brothers. How did she do it all? She would say with pride, “I was like one of the boys to our Dad.” She took pride in being able to do what the boys could do, at times faster and better. So why did Dad beat her so mercilessly?

Grown up and married now, with children of her own and her own household to tend to. You’d think this would have earned her freedom from all the responsibilities of her “childhood home”. No, not in this culture. The hats just kept piling on.

There was a “hardness” about her, yet the caring soul within her managed to come through time and again. Every now and then a tear dared to escape from her eyes, almost shattering that impregnable armor. With one hard swoop she would yank it from her face in defiance and resolve not to let this happen again. Who told her she shouldn’t cry?

I wonder if all her collections were part of her “living” in a world she had never known; she had never had? There was that miniature tea set in the midst of other miniature figures. There was her collection of Monchhichis (Japanese stuffed toys) – always sitting pretty on her especially made shelves.

Everything sat pretty, clean, protected. The stuffed toys encased in plastic bags to preserve their beauty. Lots and lots of porcelain figurines, especially dolls. She would clean them with care.

What was going through her mind?

What was brewing inside of her?

Forty plus one, was the number of her years. Such a short life! She finally broke beyond repair. Unanswered questions remain…how I miss this beautiful soul!

Choices…Decisions

This picture has always captivated me. I remember looking at this plant and thinking, I need to get rid of this “dead” plant. Then I saw this beautiful flower, almost as if defying the dead, brittle branches around it. Standing straight, showcasing its beauty.

Choices…decisions…

This “walk through the valley of the shadow of death” is incomprehensible. No way can I even try to explain “it” nor do I want to. However, I do need to keep on “walking”, “moving”, “living”. I have choices and decision to make.

Several quotes have captured my attention: “Suffering is a gift. May we suffer well.” * “No matter how dark it gets, love and hope are always possible.” * “Suffering is a gift; in it hidden mercy.” * “Life will continue, will you let it come in?”

My daughter’s race is finished, but mine is not. Will I “live” in a manner that “showcases” my hope and trust in a Living God? Will I stand straight and firm upon the promises of a God that does all things well? Will I “showcase” the beauty of the cross, the hope of the resurrection, the trust in the God who is, who was and who is to come? By the amazing, keeping grace of God – I believe so! I am willing! AND because He lives, I can face tomorrow, and I can rejoice in the LORD today!

Pedicure

It’s Saturday! What to do?

Summer and Sandals go together, right? Of course, sandals call for the cutest pedicure, unless —squirrel!— your like that lady I saw yesterday wearing shorts a tank top and sandals with (ready!?) white socks that reached all the way up to her knees! Yup! Yes, I cringed too.

Anywho, come on, let’s go get a pedicure! I’m bringing a book, and my notebook with my pen ready to write. Natalie Goldberg in her book “Writing Down the Bones” recommends one try to write anywhere and everywhere. The nail salon might be a good place to attempt to write “undistracted”.

Here we are. Good, it’s not that crowded. “Yes, pedicure, please.”

The comfortable massage chair beckons me to sit and unwind. The tub in front of it is being filled with bubbly warm water. Feet in…yes! My pedicurist and I try to communicate, yeah both accents are not meshing very well. Yes, a written paper with a “menu” of services. I point to the pedicure with massage, ending with warm towels.

Book, notebook and pen on my lap…trying to get my mind to settle…trying to get those creative juices going…OUCH!!! Can you guess where this is going? Um, is it just me? Are my attempts at “self-care” producing more, um, pain?

And, so proceeded the endless ouch! sorry! ouch! sorry! ouch! sorry! Blood, a chunk pulled out of my toe with oodles of crazy glue (yes, crazy glue…crazy huh?!) poured into the hole to stop the bleeding. By the way, this was my second time trying this place. I figured the first “assault”, I mean pedicure, she was probably having a bad day. Well, from the looks of it, today she is having an even worse day, AND we can’t communicate! You’d think my cringing face, the pulling of my foot and my audible “ouch” would be enough for her to get the message, right?

It’s over…I’m limping…my toe is throbbing. This might not have been the greatest idea. I think I need to find another nail place…don’t know…ha!ha! Ya think!